Special to ASSIST News Service
ATLANTA, GA (ANS) -- Having four grown children of my own I was particularly interested to meet with Dr. Gary Chapman
at the recent International Christian Retail Show in Atlanta, Georgia, and talk with him about his new book, "How to Really Love Your Adult Child
".
at the recent International Christian Retail Show in Atlanta, Georgia, and talk with him about his new book, "How to Really Love Your Adult Child". |
Dr. Gary Chapman |
His answer was that often kids from a dysfunctional family see the chaos and misery that ensues and determine that their lives and their families will be different. They learn from the mistakes of their parents and follow a different direction with the help of God. And some seemingly godly homes may not be all that they appear to be and their kids may decide that what their parents professed was not the genuine article.
There is also the question why children from the same family and upbringing turn out differently. Apart from differences in temperament there is also the fact that the dynamics of the family change over time. The first-born child might be smothered with care and attention but, by the time baby #4 or #5 comes along, the competition has really heated up.
Dr. Chapman went on to explain that much has changed in the relationship between parents and their adult children, including young adults themselves as well as their parent's children. Economic upheavals, challenges to traditional values and beliefs, the phenomenon of overinvolved "helicopter parenting" - all make relating to grown children more difficult than ever. Yet at the same time being a parent of an adult child can bring great rewards.
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Book cover |
That's why Drs. Ross Campbell
and Gary Chapman, both best-selling authors and counselors, have teamed up to bring you this invaluable resource for handling the responsibilities that come with parenting your child who is no longer a child.
and Gary Chapman, both best-selling authors and counselors, have teamed up to bring you this invaluable resource for handling the responsibilities that come with parenting your child who is no longer a child.They might make choices you disagree with or face trials you aren't prepared for - but in "How to Really Love Your Adult Child", you'll find excellent advice that will help you give them the love, understanding, and guidance they still desperately need and crave from you.
", you'll find excellent advice that will help you give them the love, understanding, and guidance they still desperately need and crave from you.Dr Chapman quoted the interesting statistic that in the United States, 75% of college graduates will return home to live with there parents.
Often there are emotional scars and they are discouraged, depressed and frustrated. With all their education they can't get a job or the only job they can find is a low paying job. It is then that parents can have a role in loving them. At the same time the parent has a responsibility to live by their own morals and values - they need to have a clear set of rules - no alcohol or drugs. The parent can't control their offspring's behavior outside of house and they are given freedom outside of house, but whilst they are living under the same roof, the child must abide by their rules.
The greatest influence the parents have is in the first 18 years; thereafter their influence diminishes. But there is still room to build a good relationship and communication with your adult child. You can begin by acknowledging your own failures and then ask for forgiveness. This often stimulates a new relationship. From there you can go on to become your child's cheerleader and sounding board.
"How to Really Love Your Adult Child - Building a Healthy Relationship in a Changing World" by Gary D. Chapman and Ross Campbell, is published by Northfield.
l, is published by Northfield. |
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